When the door closes

Nobody gives you a handbook to your child when they are born.  There are countless books, websites and forums available to help. Even family to put their two penny in. It’s become very clear to me that every child is different and every mothers experience is just as different.

I spent hours researching babies during my pregnancy but one thing I wasn’t prepared for was the sheer loneliness I’ve felt during maternity. The first month of The Robots life there were plenty of visitors, the second they were dwindling and then it was just me, my Robot and David.

Now I’m not talking every minute of every day, I can even go weeks without feeling this way but when that door closes, sometimes I get so lonely.

I surround myself with people on a daily basis, but I’m still lonely. No amount of baby group chat can bring round the fact that when I get home and close the door, I’m still alone.

I’ve got my Robot of course, and love him so I do, those smiles just bring me round every time!  He is a light that’s always shining when the mist has settled all around.  My daytimes are just me and the Robot. My evenings I have hope, David comes home at 5. It gets me through the day knowing That he’ll be there to hold me, bring a third person into our home give me conversation, tell me stories.

The Robot is growing, he’s 8 months now, this lonely feeling is decreasing all the time, he is more interactive now, I think this helps. But six months is a long time to dwell on a topic so low, let’s keep this light on and blow away the mist and follow my lead.

Who can be lonely when you have this little man to look at!
Who can be lonely when you have this little man to look at!

They don’t prepare you for the loneliness, but I have come up with ways to cope, ways to turn this feeling into happiness. By no means a be all cure but just my little way of spreading love behind closed doors:

Touch.  Baby massage. As my afternoons have been my loneliest I found around 3pm that nappy off time and baby massage would zap away some time. Connecting with My Robot at this level brings us together, feeling close, feeling happy!

Health. Eat healthily, eat cake, but also eat fruit. Drink pints and pints of water. Healthy body, healthy mind, feeling happy!

Exercise. Shudder. I don’t mean running marathons, but just going for a simple walk can lift my spirit and make me happy!

Play. Any old how, entertaining the Robot, making him smile, making him giggle. What is not to be happy about!?

If people ask me to describe myself I would normally throw the word happy into the mix. But now I know I have a door, a little door, one I try and keep closed.

How do you deal with the loneliness? Do you cling on to your happiness with both hands? Please share with us.



  1. This is such an honest, heartfelt post. It’s slightly different for me as my partner works evenings (he leaves about 3pm and comes back around midnight) so I have daytimes with him or out and about and then the evenings on my own. Somehow that is easier I think, and people are more likely to pop in after they finish work etc. I think I got used to evenings alone on maternity leave before TM was born as I finished work quite early. I just try to keep myself busy and enjoy this time with TM while he’s small, it’s flying by! Sometimes if he is chilled out I will give someone a call just to have a chat to another adult – again that’s a perk of it being an evening as most people are at home. Getting out the house is always a good idea!
    Ellen recently posted…An ode to biscuits: Part OneMy Profile

    1. isntitpretty

      It’s surprising what we get used too. I do cherish my time at home with my Robot. I’ve had this post in the back of my mind for a week now but today it’s out there and I had a real good play session!

  2. It can be an awfully lonely time. I make sure I get out to groups etc but it’s hard to make meaningful relationships unless you’re willing to be quite forward and just ask people if they want it I meet up for coffee. So far no one has said no!

  3. MMT

    Oh this brought back some memories of that first maternity leave. babies are wonderful, but, shock horror, they aren’t great conversation are they?
    I hope it makes you feel better that soon you’ll never feel lonely with your little buddy at your side – as they grow they become companions, best mates, amazing company. They enjoy films, make you laugh, teach you stuff they have learnt. In no time, you’ll be there too.
    Second maternity leave is so different – with the first child around to bounce off.
    Finally, my way of dealing with the quiet, the mindnumbing moments, the times I was clock watching for daddy? Music….and loud music at that. Even babies love the upbeat tones of a dodgy happy tune and dancing around the bedroom / kitchen together will lift you both up higher than a kite, When my eldest was a baby, Call me Maybe was her fave!
    Thanks for linking up to #coolmumclub
    MMT recently posted…#coolmumclub: Meet the members…Cuddle FairyMy Profile

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