Well this is one those moments where I don’t know where I am going to go with this, so please bare with me, this is my kinda therapy! Writing is one of those things that I have discovered in the past year as something that I enjoy but there are days, days like today, days like the past week where it has become a bit of a chore.
When I loaded up my computer I typed in the title The Darker Side of ME. I have no idea why. It felt right at that moment. This is isn’t going to be a blog post about the dark side of me, I did that in December with my SAD post. I’m not really a dark person, I just think that since becoming a mother and being a stay at home Mum my mood swings about like a yo-yo on ferris wheel.
One minute I’m riding a high and the next I’m so so low again. It can change in an instant and it’s beyond frustrating. Lets not dwell on this though, I am not doing the dark post today. This is me writing my ‘write because its therapeutic post!’
Excuse me while I go and turn the light on…
Yes, I did actually go and turn the light on right then. It’s 1 o’clock in the afternoon and it’s dark!
I love my blog, it’s part of me now. I’m really impressed that I am still blogging away. I’ve felt a bit stale with it the last few days though so haven’t had the desire to write. Again, this is what today is all about.
It’s so easy to get bogged down with what other bloggers are doing and see others achieving where you feel like your failing. I try not to do this and say the saying that gets coined around so much;
Don’t compare your beginning to someone elses end.
Easier said than done. All the time I have to remind myself that I am doing a good job, my little green-eyed monster gets put back in its box and I try to celebrate others. Let’s face it though it’s difficult. It doesn’t help when I am tired.
The Robot, bless him, has turned into a anti-sleep monster, which is ironic because he is upstairs sleeping at the moment. He must be going through a sleep regression type thing. The term, it’s just a phase, is very apparent in my life. It really is just a phase, just a tooth coming through, just an illness, just, just, just. It’s all sent to me to test my ability to function for a day.
Nobody said parenting would be easy, to a certain extent it is, but it’s when you are tired that is when it gets harder. It is very monotonous but so are some jobs I have done in the past. This one is very rewarding. At least this boss makes my heart melt when he gives me a hug. When he pokes my nose and goes beep beep in the middle of a sleepless night it all sort of seems ok. What could be more exciting at 2.30 in the morning.
There is me going off on a tangent slightly. There are so many exciting things going on in my blog world that I really want to celebrate right now, things I am enjoying but not giving 100%. I would love for them to be bigger and better. In reality though I have made the decision to give 100% to my son right now, if the blog is only running at 80% it doesn’t matter!
My son is the reason I blog. To have this creative space to call my own to document, rant, celebrate, it makes me a better person. To do bigger and better things with him so that I can shout about it to the world, go on adventures, get mucky painting. There is a balance that needs to be adhered to and I think I am finding it and running with it. I’m happy right now.
It’s amazing what you can achieve in an hour of tap tap tapping away. I’ve been disturbed by the postman, I’ve been for a wee and made myself a cup of tea while I have written this. Ultimately though it’s made me feel better about life.
If you’re reading this then it means I hit publish and you’ve just read my therapeutic ramblings. How did you get on with my very muddled mind?
Have you heard about the things I want to celebrate?
Somewhere inside all of us is the power to change the world, Roald Dahl