How to Make Your Own Mummy Clique
One thing I read and hear time and time again is about the impenetrable Mummy Clique. That allusive group of Mummy’s who all seem to know each other. The group of people who seem to have it all sorted. The Super Women who we stare at and admire. That group of Mummy’s that just don’t seem to want to know you.
I’ve spent a lot of the last 15 months skirting round some social circles never really fitting in. Always saying HELLO but never much more than a “How old is he now?” Always wondering why or how this group of ladies know each other and why I just don’t fit in?
This is nothing new to me. I have always been a bit of a loaner, floating from one group of people to another. Only ever having one or two special friends. When I was pregnant people told me I’d make new Mummy friends, you’ll meet them at play groups, you’ll meet them at baby massage, baby sign, baby sensory, tiny tots, coffee mornings… etc… etc….
Expectant and excited I went along to these groups with an open mind and an open heart. Nothing, months passed and still nothing. Disheartened but determined I kept up with some of the groups, some I dropped through sheer panic attacks (that’s another story).
Something has happened though. I’ve made a clique. Today I went to the movies. I left the Robot at home with Dave. Met up with two Mummy friends and went to see Bridget Jones at the cinema. In the night-time. Without KIDS!
What happened in the months between I hear you ask? Well I’m going to tell you…
How to Make Your Own Mummy Clique
Yes, this is a how to guide, but I want to add in a disclaimer, there is no hard or fast rule to this. You are your own person. Do what you are comfortable with. It’s not easy, please try, your comfort zone needs a little nudge from time to time. There has been a few different techniques to my clique gathering. Try not to live by your babies routine.
Single Out for the Pity Date
Go weekly to a baby group. I suggest baby massage as a good one as if you’re ignored you can focus on your baby. Hopefully someone will chat to you. If they don’t, don’t panic. Play with your baby. Still get ignored, just listen. Take it all in. Bonus you’re out the house. This is a result. If people really don’t start to acknowledge you, it’s time to try another group.
One person, like you, will be doing the same, week in week out. You will work out who this is. Chat to them. Love their baby and how big its got. The crucial swoop is next… Tell them you have no Mummy friends. (yes I did this). Ask them if they want to meet up. SWAP NUMBERS. Seriously it’s like dating for Mummy’s! Arrange a play date. Well done you have your first Mummy friend.
Walk Home Shuffle
If you’re lucky you’ll be able to walk to a group. Other people walk to baby groups too. Again you need to go weekly to these groups. It’s hard sometimes but a definite must. Spot the Mum who walks home your way, or a remotely close detour (extra walking is good). Here are two options. One, outright ask them can I walk home with you.
Two, my prefered, hover outside the play group and shuffle when they exit. Let them catch up with you and ask you which way your going. Walk home with them. Chat to them. Do this week in week out. Get brave and exchange telephone numbers. Text to meet them at the park on a non-group day. Well done you have your second Mummy friend.
The Common Interest
I’m a baby wearing fan. There are people who I know who carry their babies too. Talk to them about their carrier. How they get on. I’m not sure how this will work for everyone. Consider the people who you meet and whether they will match up with you some how.
Be brave again and ask for a number exchange or find on Facebook. In my example we arranged to get baby carrying tuition. We’ve since arranged play dates. Score, my third Mummy friend.
Lives Next Door
Well not quite next door. Close. You bump into them going the shops daily. You chat. Eventually you agree to meet up with each other. You eventually swap numbers. You eventually text to meet up. A slow and steady fourth Mummy friend.
Found by Acquaintance
This is one that we’re currently working on and one like most steps takes time to flourish… Mummy friend, One, Two, Three and Four have been following these processes throughout their own childs life. They have made their own little friendships. Take advantage of these to build your own friendships… Eventually be brave. Swap numbers.
See Them Around
Walk. Walk those mean streets daily. You will bump into Mummy’s you see at groups. Wave, smile, nod, be polite. Stop and chat if its possible. Just because you don’t know them well, who knows what they will become…
There you have it a little group of friends to call your own. Build on your relationships. Text and ask how they are. Meet up every now and then. Integrate them with each other. It all takes time. Suddenly you’ll find yourself at a play group with Mummy’s that actually talk to you.
Your very own clique.
Just remember though what it feels like to have no friends. See that Mum sat on her own. Go and talk to her. You may even make their day.